A letter to my Dad!!

Hey Dad,

What’s up?  How are you?  Hope God is keeping you well!!

It’s been long since I wrote a letter to you!!

Lets see, 21 years? Yeah..that’s when we last spoke when you asked me to take care of my mom and your mom. Life’s come a long way, 21 years passed. Your son has grown from a child to a man. Mom has grown grey hair. Guess what we are looking out for grooms for your lovely daughters. You know your beautiful daughter-in-law. She has not seen you personally but through my eyes and words. Everything is happening in a way it should. The only thing that stings is your absence but nothing can be done, if that’s what god wanted.

Anyway, you know yesterday I went to Bhavik’s house (oh sorry, I din tell you, he is our neighbor in Mumbai) just to have a casual conversation. They were very happy to see me and it feels like now I am a part of their family. You know in one of their conversation Anish uncle (Bhavik’s father) told me that “Son, you would realize when you would become a father!!!”  All of a sudden, there was numbness in my heart.

“Father” – A word which I last uttered in July’97. A word which is a world in itself and a world which I lost when I was 10 years old. My mom used to tell me that Dad is up there and is constantly watching you. Dad, I used to look in the sky but I never could see you. There were millions of fathers who have turned into stars – probably one reason why I couldn’t identify you.

Dad, I thought that I would never tell you but childhood was hell without you. You know, mom did not even buy me new clothes. As a child, I was always wondering why she used to gift me clothes always a size bigger and those never appeared new. As I grew up, I understood those belonged to someone else. All my parents’ meeting in school were without you. But I gradually learned to live without you.

I sometimes wonder what exactly did I miss? My  studies, my career, my friends, my wife, what??? The answer is no. Everything happened in a way it should have. The pages of my life were unfolding in a manner they were destined to. So what did I miss dad?

Dad, I missed my soul. I missed your hand on my head when I secured good marks. I missed a pat on my back whenever I used to do anything good. I missed your hand to hold when I was learning the toughest lessons of life. I missed your presence to hug when I became Chartered Accountant. I missed to see the smile on your face when your son got married. Dad, above all I missed the 10 YEAR OLD NIRAJ WHO DIED WITH YOU.


Everyone says that you are around me, that you are watching me grow and that you are very happy. Tell me are you happy? I believe them. I have to believe them as these delusional words balm the perpetual wounds. But you are not there..Can I hug you when I want. Hug me Dad!!. I need your hands on my head please. It would calm my soul..Can you?. No you are not here. Nothing is there. You are not there. But your son is strong Dad. I am strong to take care of what you left for me to take care of. Your inspiration..Your wife..My mom !


Dad, you can be at peace..She is happy. She has found you in me! I am her forever companion.

I am now waiting to see you in Afterlife!!. Till then keep missing me as I miss you.

Good night now. I need to sleep. Heart is a lot heavy, can you please come in my dreams!!

Love you Dad!

Your loving son,

Niraj

96 thoughts on “A letter to my Dad!!

  1. This is really sooo touching! I don’t have enough words to express…. The last few lines got tears my eyes!! It feels like I should go and hug my parents right now and thank god for everything he gave me… a life, and those who gave me life!! I just wish you all the best!

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Dear Brother,

    I know No one can fulfil that place in your heart ❤ , Except your family because Family remains forever with us Before birth and After birth,
    Love them Hard
    And Take care yourself
    We love you alot 😊😘

    Liked by 3 people

  3. It takes so much to share some personal moments which are extremely private to one. Pouring out money is one thing but pouring out heart. That’s what makes a true man.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I wish this could be true. But if there is life, there will be death too. But yeah, at a tender age, a harsh truth like this isn’t something one would understand or be able to accept.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can understand. I lost my nani when I wasn’t even 8. I wasn’t able to believe that she was no more when my dadaji told me. All I could say was, “But we met her last night.”

        Liked by 1 person

      3. We all live similar stories at different times in our lives. That’s why we are able to relate to what other’s say.
        Do drop a mail when you get time. Would love to connect and chat with you. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  4. This was such a wondeeful, heartfelt and sincere letter. So touched by your ability to eloquently state your thoughts and pour your heart out. Must have felt such a release after writing this. Once gain, great work!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Hi, found you on First Friday. Nice to meet you!

    This is so sad and you have been through so much. It is wonderful you write these letters and share them with the world, as there are so many who will relate with you and with whom you will find deep and meaningful connections here on WP. I heartily recommend you involve yourself in communication here, you may find it very helpful. Thank you for sharing this deeply meaningful letter! It is so raw and human and real. For those who are lucky enough not to have lost someone, it will help them appreciate the family they have.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I really like that you have found a channel to share your experiences, tragic as they are. As I said, the community here on WP is incredible, in my experience, you will find as much love and support as you could ever want here, and find people who have been through the same loss to chat with. It has been lovely to meet you. Hope you stay in touch.

        If you haven’t already and fancy, I would be grateful if you would check out my site. Leave a like or comment if you like, and if it strikes you and you hit ‘follow’ then you will make my day!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. This is so touching. And this story, resonates with me. It brought tears to my eyes. I never felt the love from a father and still, I’m happy where I am today. I can offer you sympathy but I’m pretty sure you aren’t devoid of that. So I’m going to wish you the best of luck for the rest of your life and hope you achieve all your endeavours! And kudos to you and your spirit and your soul for letting all of us into your world and allowing everyone to feel something, I can’t express how much I’ve loved this.

    Maybe, you would want to check out my blog 🙂
    https://therunawayyworld.wordpress.com/2018/04/07/walking-through-it/

    Liked by 2 people

  7. A really heartwarming post! Well written. It’s really touching to read that even after all these years, he’s still left a void that would never fill. I wish you all the very best!

    As a token of appreciation for your writing skills, I have chosen to nominate you for the Liebster Award. Here’s the link to my post, should you choose to participate.

    https://soumitra97.wordpress.com/2018/04/14/liebster-award/

    Note:- I really hope that this nomination doesn’t come out in a wrong/offensive way. Know thag I don’t mean to negate the emotional value of this post in any way. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. You are welcome! 😊
        You did deserve it, for I truly found your post worthy.

        And thank you for your kind words in your Liebster Award post! 😊

        BTW…. There are a few mistakes in your Liebster Award post. As follows:-
        1. You haven’t put up the rules of this award. Please do so and provide a link to the original post alongside.
        2. You have to choose ATLEAST 5 nominations.
        3. You have to ask 10 questions (different from what you have answered)
        I hope you make these changes and reupdate your post accordingly. For without these changes it would be considered invalid.

        Keep blogging! ✌️

        Liked by 2 people

  8. This post took me on a journey. One I have trained myself to avoid. The emotions that this post evoked, overpowered my will to avoid the thoughts of this journey. Here I was reading your post, while thoughts of my own dad plagued my consciousness. Thanks for sharing, this is a reality I have avoided for far too long. Stay strong!

    I would love to see you over at my blog sometimes. I welcome all feedback about my work in an effort to improve my own writing. Feel free to stop by and let me know what you think of my post in the post comments and follow along if you enjoy the content. Hope to see you soon.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. You know what I didn’t realised my bond with my parents when I was at my home
        But here in the hostel everytime I made any payment or cook up something I missed them a lot
        “I can understand your situation” but I know this sentence frustrate each and every person who is actually suffering

        Liked by 2 people

      2. 😊😊

        Mom ka pyar and papa ki daat..I realised are the two best things as I grew up. I stay away from my mom now but I make a point to speak to her everyday. Its amazing that she senses that I am not well just by hearing my breath!

        Dad – he left before I understood what’s the essence of bond between him and me. But I speak to his photo everyday. He lives within me and comes to my dream whenever I need be.

        Love them ! Respect them! And you would be blessed 😊😊

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Hello Niraj,
    Beautifully written!
    Your father’s abscence can never be filled but I’m sure it’s made you a better and stronger person. Hold on tight, he’s your guardian angel and I’m sure he’s got your back.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Am literally crying right now, it’s been 5 years since i lost my mom, the years seem like seconds because I sock up just thinking of it. It’s been 21 years for you but as I read through, I see how much you miss your dad. Good Lord, does it get better 😢😢😢😢

    Liked by 2 people

  11. It touched my heart.. especually those words – i missed 10 year old..
    I also lost my father after my studies, it was sudden and till now i am unable to overcome the grief. It will be forever.
    I also grew overnight from a carefree person to very responsible one. I also felt as if my old self died with him.
    I cant imagine how you might have felt as a young boy. Life is so harsh.
    I appreciate your courage.
    Its true that loved ones we lost, their soul will be there with us. I have felt his presence whenever i needed him the most. Especially, iny wedding.
    Sorry for the long comment.
    I could relate to what you have written, so i poured out…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Niraj !! You too take care.
        Do you know, there is another similarity.. tge meaning of your name Niraj and my name Nalini ( both are sanskrit names) are same – Lotus.
        Its so unbelievable !!

        Liked by 1 person

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